Church Worship Band Poetry

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I love going to church. Not because I’m particularly faithful. The truth is I’m highly skeptical about religion. I love going because it puts me into a creativity zone I rarely find elsewhere. I have come up with many scenes and story ideas while listening to sermons and church music. It’s not the only reason I go, but it’s the only reason relevant to this blog.

Our church plays loud music. The program runs like this, forty minutes of loud music, ten minutes of coffee and chat, and forty minutes of preaching/teaching. For me it’s nearly two hours of sinking into storyland.

Yesterday I decided to open my notebook and actively write while the band played. I wrote a couple of pages worth, mostly crap, but I had fun. Maybe it is sacrilegious, disrespectful, and wrong. I don’t think so. If God isn’t in favor of human creativity, then he’s no God of mine.

Here are a couple of poems I wrote. Don’t laugh too hard.

The Drummer

The cymbal floats
hovering
waiting for the personal touch
that tap that will make it sing
and nod in agreement with the human spirit
and its need for belonging

The Violist

You hold your instrument like a plucked hen
and your bow like a butcher’s knife
and when you raise them and play
the room full of chickens flap their wings in praise
for they can easily see God
but they refuse to see death

Yes, it’s an eclectic band ;)

Struggling With Your Story? Try Finding Your Themes.

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Like any new writer, I struggle with making my stories work. In my third, current novel, I am more or less following Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey. I didn’t consciously attempt to write it following a cookie cutter approach. I did not even know about Campbell’s template when I penned the first draft last November during NaNoWriMo. I hesitate to call it a template. The HJ is much more than that. Novels are much more than that. And I think I’ve learned from trying to apply it to my edits that it definitely cannot be used as a stamp. I tried, I failed, I grew frustrated with major parts of my story that did not tie together, that did not flow, and that left me wondering what to do.

By the way, Jefrey Eugenides’ Middlesex follows the Hero’s Journey across generations, a remarkable feat, an outstanding book. But I digress.

I’ve read bits and pieces here and there about this idea of theme. If you’ve ever read Sparksnotes book summaries, they delve into themes ad-nauseum — “Sparksnotes For Whom The Bell Tolls.” All stories have themes, and I think it might be safe to say most authors ignore themes. They more or less let them fall out on their own. Authors hate templating, like the Hero’s Journey, and writing to themes risks killing creativity by turning your story into a formula. Nobody wants to read formulaic prose, right romance, Sci-Fi, Fantasy, mystery, spy, or any other genre-specific reader out there?

I’ll go a step further. The themes of my story have been bothering me. I do have strong themes. I can feel them. I can almost touch them. But I cannot name them. Some things are difficult to clearly identify let alone name. How do you name the feeling you get when you wake up at three thirty in the morning to write? How do you name the feeling you have as you step out on to the back deck in your shorts holding your hot coffee and listen to the Robins chorus you? How do you name the feelings you remember on Father’s Day? I can clearly see both of my now grown children being born, but I cannot begin to describe that emotion I felt when they handed me my son, said “there’s a problem,” and left me alone with him for half an hour while the doctor pulled his placenta out with his thick, hairy arm.

I yearned to understand the themes of my story. I needed to fill in my understanding. Bash this emptiness with a baseball bat, if necessary.

On Saturday I did some research. I found some theme-based sites. I have a list of 100 common novel themes. I have some discussions on themes. I printed some out to take with me yesterday. Most of it was useless drivel. Sparksnotes is interesting reading, but it does not help much with understanding how to find themes. Oh, I had a 9am writing date yesterday morning at the new Second Cup coffee shop in Centerbeam Place, Saint John, NB. She didn’t show up; I barely noticed.

Two websites did help:
- About dot com
- WordIQ

The WordIQ page is short and sweet. I made it even shorter for my purposes. I wrote down a list of words and phrases I thought might relate to themes in my stories, and then I began to write a paragraph on each item. Here is my initial list. You will notice many are related, and some are symbols. The first page suggests that symbols can be clues to themes, so I wrote them down too. There are many more symbols and ideas in my story, but this was enough for the first hour or two of my theme discovery exercise.

- working men-expectations
- words vs. fists
- overcoming a bad hand [dealt]
- community
- youth
- expectations [repeat]
- wrong.right first impressions
- supporting rightness – justice
- passion – do what drives you
- mothers [wow, did I write this?]
- real men!

I looked at the list, took a big drink of coffee, and began to write. One paragraph each. Shouldn’t take long. Thirty minutes later I had the first item knocked off the list, didn’t have a sentence for it as the second article suggests, but I did have two pages outlining an important scene I need to write.

I was consumed. I saw a gap in my story I knew was there, had tried to fill, and had failed to fill. As I wrote this single paragraph which I won’t share with you, the need became clear. The missing scene became clear. I wrote two pages of outline for a scene-sequel combination to fill the hole.

Then a new partial scene appeared. I documented the idea.

I jumped ahead to community. I wrote a paragraph and nothing happened. I actually felt thankful. It’s one thing to find the missing link, but it’s another to have everything you do generate new ideas. It is nice to know that most of my story is solid, and by not triggering any new ideas, this theme relating to community made me feel good.

Then I wrote about guns. The word “gun” is not on my list, but I added it somewhere in this exercise. The last scene I read to my monthly group was about Dan cleaning his gun. I had thought about cutting the scene, and if it didn’t go well, I would have. Three said “wow!” with wide eyes and gaping mouths. I said “huh?” Apparently they thought he was going to shoot himself. Really? I didn’t mean to write that, but apparently I did, and apparently it was powerful. And the word gun popped into my head on Sunday morning as I sat in the warm coffee shop. I came up with another gun scene, a little more tension this time. And it is not a complete scene but the start of a scene I’ve already written, a scene I didn’t like because it dangled. It will not dangle any more after I fill it in with this prelude!

I left after an hour, drained and happy. And now I have a new technique for discovering my stories — write about the themes.

First Public Reading

It wasn’t really public, but there were over thirty people, and I didn’t know most of them. And they were all writers, many of them published. It was the Writers Federation of New Brunswick’s Sunday event of Wordspring 2013

I told myself I shouldn’t be nervous. Right. I am currently teaching close to thirty community college students a couple of courses — Project Management and SQL Server with Oracle. I have read the scene I read this morning to a writing group. I have read my work to groups maybe 30 times in the past couple of years. I have shared the scene in a workshop with nine other writers including our local writer-in-residence. This was a safe audience, an audience of writers who know what it is like to stand up and read, who know what rejection is. It is a crowd that I saw support each other with unrestrained applause all weekend.

Yes, I was very nervous.

I joined the Writers Federation Of New Brunwick on Friday. I met close to thirty writers on the weekend for the first time. I chatted with, drank wine and beer with, and generally mingled with a room full of writers all more experienced than myself, at least a dozen published, some very well known such as Riel Nason, Sherry Fitch, and David Adams Richards. I answered the question “what do you write” most elegantly with a “duh.”

I felt I owed everyone a proper introduction by reading a complete scene. It was too long, but what the hell.

I made a mistake of dressing warmly. I wanted to burst out laughing as I read about a character sweating bullets in a hot room as the drips fell off my forehead onto my glasses and off my nose onto my page. [LOL] Yeah, it was a quiet crowd, no laughing, no approving moans, no acknowledgement at all, almost. Do they like it? Do they hate it? Do I sound like a goofball up there? That was the hardest part. I read for fiteen minutes, struggled reading my own prose, got a polite applause, and I sat down.

I didn’t tell these people I’m half blind and can barely read my words as my shaky hands fumble with the pages. Good God. I can’t wait until my Canada Writes submission is rejected next month so I can publish it, maybe even here. It’s about my bout with vision. Ever go blind in an eye? It’s another reason I told myself not to be nervous. There are much worse things to be nervous about than embrassing yourself reading your novel to a group of professional writers.

I also madly edited the scene prior to driving out to the country market where we ate breakfast and read open mic format. I’d really love to have had a mic though. I have a quiet voice and I do not like to raise it. I had a character with the last name Knopf. I picked it because one of our NaNoWriMo participants was named Knopp and I just used it because. I then wrote a scene involving Mark Knopfler, so I changed it to Knopf. It’s a story about learning to read, and MC recognized the pattern. Of course the different pronounciations confuse him. But, whenever I read it aloud, it sounds like I’m choking on a giant sausage. And no, don’t read anything into that statement. I changed all the occurances to something I could say — Morgan. I need to sometime settle on a name. I’ll take any suggestions for the name of a fictional brewery, thanks in advance.

I’m happy I read. I’m not happy with struggling, but I bet I still sounded better than DAR *grin* Pfft. People heard my story, and while I shouldn’t expect pats on the back by everyone, I did get some. I fulfilled my need to introduce my writing to these people. Whether they like it or not does not really matter. They can now attach a story to a person, to a face. They can read my name and know a little of what I am about. Writers respect that. I respect writers who share their work, good or bad. And I now feel at least a little bit respected.

I did get a very emotional response by the Polar Bear lady, Lisa Dalrymple. Wow, I can’t thank her enough. It wasn’t much, just a comment, but it confirmed a focal point in my scene, and it told me I have work to do to complete that particular circle. Not that many hours ago I played out the other half, the … completion of an idea. I am being abstract for a reason. You will have to buy my book to learn more about the lunchbox.

I don’t think I am ready to share this scene yet. I’d love to. I’m tempted to. But I’m scared to. I’m not scared of sharing my writing, but I write about certain things in a somewhat negative light. I am anti-x. It’s not because I am. It’s because my narrator is somewhat unreliable. My main character is unreliable. The negatives may resolve themselves, and I do not wish to only post one half of a circle. Kapish?

Writers want adolations for their work. At least I do. From watching many readings this weekend, many over the past few years, I do know that anybody that gets up there to read is appreciated. And it’s necessary in this business. It’s necessary to put your work forward, if you want to sell it, if you want it read. As one of the participants on the weekend said, nobody is going to come around knocking at your door asking if you have any novels to sell.

I took step one. Now I’m waiting for that phone call.

[LOL]

Short Story Action

Doesn’t it always happen this way? I’m editing full speed ahead. My current novel is at page 150 of 256. The quality and completeness steadily grows. Then wham, I’m hit in the head with other ideas.

I recently experienced three short, interesting snippets of life. One happened Sunday at church, the next happened somewhere un-remembered, but I wrote it down, and the third happened while writing to a prompt during Wednesday’s writing group. I do not want to explain them, but they all involved a person who didn’t fit, an awkward, imaginative oddball kid. I felt the relationships, and I recognized three as the magic number of events, so I quickly whipped up a short story using all three.

It sucked.

Actually it flowed really well and I liked the voice, but the main theme escaped me. I ended up with the person being an adult in an adult situation, but his situation did not tie into the events.

Yeah, so I sat on it for a couple of weeks.

Last Sunday I was at church again — it’s a great place to get ideas. I think it is a mood thing. It is a very introspective service, loud rock music and meaningful sermons. Ha. I’d met a member and her daughter a day or two earlier in a café. Cute little thing. So was the kid. Anyway, I saw the kid again Sunday and watched her while the band played. The story grabbed me by the throat, choked me, and threw me down on the cheap tiles. Good God, I thought, can I write that?

I did the next morning. 4500 words. I brought it to my writers group Wednesday and had two confidants edit it for me. I re-edited it Thursday, and took it in town Friday to edit it again. Let’s just say it is about a little girl who prophecizes — is that a word? I am not a religious person, and I listen to the gospels with a writer’s demeanor. Curious stuff. I sat at Starbucks with my wife, and I told her I  had this story I didn’t want her to read, at least not yet. I said I needed someone who is intimate with fundamental, right wing Christianity, someone who understands prophecy, but someone who can read it objectively and not take offense. Oh, there is excess reason to take offense, if it offends you that is. I’ll say no more. She suggested someone we had just met, an ex-minister who had apparently sinned so greviously that he is now selling cars. Must have been a doozy, eh? I thought he sounded okay, but then suddenly my revelation appeared. Across the hall of the mall I saw Dan. Not my coffee shop Dan, but a real Dan. He is Jewish, educated, introspective, philosophical, and a friend. He fills in leading the local Rabbi-less synagogue and is considering publishing a book of his essays he has used. His idea is to make it available to the multitude of Rabbi-less synagogues around the world for free. He sat down with us, my wife left, and I asked him about prophecy. Wow, he talked for twenty minutes straight and he left with a copy of my piece. He had to read the first paragraph first, though. I am happy to say he really wanted to finish it.

So this weekend I’ve edited them both, and I edited the first story again this morning. I sat out on the deck and read it to the cats. The few errors I had left jumped out, and now my dear wife has a copy. There are a number of contests with April 30 deadlines, and I am seriously considering submitting this story. This begs the question, though — what is the lifecycle of story marketing? I’m thinking contest or contests followed by major literary journals followed by minor literary journals followed by maybe a zine? Is it alright to submit to multiple contests? What do I do when Joe Blow contest gives me an honorable mention? Do I then tell Tom Howard I no longer wish to qualify? Oh to have such a problem!

Wish me luck.

Tom Howard/John H. Reid Short Story Contest

Lorian Hemingway Short Story Competition

Am I Getting Enough Glucose?

One of the main objections with ketogenic diets is that they do not supply enough glucose for the body. Objectors claim that glucose is our main fuel, and if we do not get enough of it, our brain, heart, organs, and even muscle will shrivel up and die. They do not exactly say shrivel up and die. They just say it is bad. The truth seems to be they do not know the exact impacts. Why? Because the events have never happened.

People on hunger strikes do not generally succumb to brain and organ atrophy. There are many cases of people lasting many weeks with no food; yet their brains continue to function. Where do they get their glucose? We do store glucose in the form of glycogen. Ask a marathoner how long their glycogen store lasts. Not long enough to finish a marathon, usually. So how can it carry a person weeks through a hunger strike? How did so many Jews survive concentration camps?

Protein. 58% of protein will be converted to glucose. Yes, the number is in doubt, but that is not really relevant. Our daily carbohydrate need is estimated at between 80g and 120g a day. If you are on a 2,000 calorie diet and eat 20% of it as protein, that’s 400 calories / 4 * 58% or 58g of carbs.

Fat also contains glucose. True. Fat lives in the form of triglycerides, three fatty acids and a glycerol or sugar. About 10% of fat becomes carbohydrate. 1600 calories / 4 * .1 = 40g.

So before we eat any plant food at all, we have 98g of carbohydrates in our diet. Most of us on ketogenic diets eat about 50g of carbohydrates a day. Dr. Bernstein recommends 30g, so will go with that conservative number. It is pretty hard not to eat 30g of carbs a day. 58 + 40 + 30 = 128g. Bingo!

Yah, but.

Yeah, when we starve, our bodies will convert fat and protein to enough glucose for our vital parts.

“How often does your sugar go too low on a ketogenic diet?” John asks.
“How is that relevant?”
“If you have sufficient glucose in your bloodstream, your brain, heart, and organs are getting enough. It is like a gas gauge in a car. You cannot see your gas tank or your engine using the fuel, so how do you know there is enough? You look at a gas gauge. If there is sugar in our bloodstreams, our body is being fueled.”
“Yah, but if I don’t eat any carbs, and my glycogen runs out, my body will have to use its own protein.”
“People who starve get very thin, but the muscles atrophy before the organs fail.”
“Yah, but my dietitian says … “
“Your dietitian might suffer from reactive hypoglycemia. It could explain her inability to use her brain.”

Reactive hypoglycemia is an ironic condition. It occurs when someone eats too much sugar, gets too steep a rise in blood sugars and their body responds with a large insulin response. Unlike a fibrous food, this sugar spike is short-lived. It shoots blood glucose sky-high but does not follow-up with more. A sweet potato on the other hand will also spike blood sugar, but it will keep adding sugar as much of it is entrapped in the fibre. Hopefully the large amount of butter you added also slows down the absorption. The result is a less intense insulin response and a closer time matching. In the case of the pure sugar consumer, the insulin will quickly drive down the blood sugar, but the insulin will linger, expecting follow-up sugar like “real food” will supply. Blood sugar drops below normal and the vital body parts go hungry. Trust me when I say that hypoglycemia affects your brain. I have experienced hundreds of diabetes related hypos, and you do not want to be doing anything dangerous when it happens. I truly am lucky to be alive today.

Yeah, I recommend at least 20% of your calories come from protein. Muscle repair is a constant need, and lets not kid ourselves. With less glucose in the pipeline, the pressure on gluconeogenesis to eat our muscle mass may actually be greater. That too doesn’t make complete sense to me, but nevertheless, eat your protein.

I just don’t see ketogenic eaters suffering from hypoglycemia. Sorry, but I don’t. And I don’t myself. I’ve never come close to it, even when fasting. And here’s the kicker for me. I perform much, much better aerobically and anaerobically when I eat ketogenically. I am too old and too lazy to test intense workouts, but when I walk, jog, lift weights, play hockey, or hike through the woods, I have done a million percent better [apologies for the Minaj mimic].

The worry that we do not get enough glucose in ketogenic diets is bogus in my mind.

The Writing Workshop

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We had a good time last night, and we learned a lot about writing stories. Some of this poem is true. Hell, all of it is, but I am not upset or bitter, just smiling.

The writing workshop begins with a lecture
admonishment of the babies at the table
from the Matriarch of pretty prose
double spaced, named, numbered
your childish stories are not.
And where is your stack
of marked up, hacked up, amateur scribbled up copies.
How can we discuss these joyous, feeble jokes
if we can’t read from our notes?
Couldn’t you read between the lines of my
directionless letter?
Do you know nothing of this business?
Why on earth are you here?

A child I am to this world of round tables
butted up to make one
to rub egos in each others’ faces
our soothers clashed in storied war
our chests uncomfortable, tight
blocking knowledge and opinion
pressed by an angry mother of word
guarding the truths we all know but are scared to admit.

My writing is not the best
but neither is theirs
nor hers.
We’re all bobbing in the same boat
and the far shore hides from our pens.
We won’t make it if we don’t row, together
write from within
agree to disagree
to stroke each other’s fears
and encourage our creative talents.

Spit out that sickness, young child
Row, write, and grow.
Behold the truth and magic of all written words
Labeled, numbered, or not.

Scenes and Sequels

Our stories are made up of scenes: first this happens, then that happens, then this happens … This, that: these are scenes, our basic units of construction. Some might call them chapters, but often chapters are made up of several related scenes.

Research the narrative arc. It’s how our stories flow. In the largest units, stories often follow the format of failure, failure, big failure, and finally success. Failure is what pulls us along. We want our protagonist, our hero, to succeed. We want him to get the girl, we want him to save the world, we want him to transform. Stories written in the format he does this, then he does that, then he saves the world are not attractive. Our hero hasn’t overcome anything. There’s no tension, there’s no obstacles, there’s no failures that make us question what will happen, what will flow next. There is nothing to make us anxious.

All basic stuff really. I haven’t said anything new. I haven’t created any tension myself, yet.

Let’s look at scenes first then sequels. Scenes start out with a hero following a purpose, he meets some resistance and tension is created, then he fails. That’s it. There is no more, except all teh words we choose to make it happen with. But all stories use scenes, at least the stories I’ve read. Say our hero is a spy: he follows a target to determine who their contact is, the target walks through a dense crowd, a mall, spots our hero, and makes for it, our spy gives chase just because, and at the fork in the mall, he turns the wrong way. Purpose, tension, failure. We’ve seen the scene a million times in the movies and read it millions more (hopefully) in books. It’s basic. It propels the story forward. We want to know what happens next. We want to know how our hero solves whatever mystery he is trying to solve.

But we also want to know what it all means. Stories aren’t all action. At some point we need to ask the question “So What?” So what if he loses the target. So what if the girl leaves him. So what if the planet gets blown up? So what? What does it mean to our character? What does it means to our plot? Our themes? Our … How do we move to the next scene? An escaping target is not much of a lead in to the next scene. As I’ve said, action, action, action becomes tedious pretty quickly.

Let’s continue with our example. Maybe our next scene is a stake-out. Maybe our hero’s unit sets up shop across the street from the target’s home. Does this just happen? No, of course not. We have another scene where the decision is made, except scenes don’t end in decisions. Scenes end in failure. Sequels end in decisions.

A Sequel also has three parts: reaction, dilemma, and decision. This is the meat of our story. This is where we learn about our characters’ motivations. This is where we add depth, logic, and forward motion. Let’s build this sequel: our hero returns to the office and meets with boss-dude, boss-dude isn’t happy because now the target is on to them, our hero isn’t happy because he failed (reactions), boss-dude wants to set up a stake-out but our hero wants to go alone (dilemma), so a decision is made: boss-dude sets up a stake-out and orders our hero to embed in it. And this leads to a new scene where we watch the target, something nasty and weird happens, and we fail to catch him or uncover the truth. We follow that up with another sequel, and we’re off to the races.

There’s one problem here. Most novels don’t work this way.

“But you said this was the basic format.”

“It is, but it’s not the whole picture.”

“Please explain.”

“Isn’t that why I’m writing this blog?”

“Sorry. I’ll shut up now.”

Sometimes we don’t want to move the story along with strong, linked scenes. If we do, it becomes linear, maybe predicatable, and it is difficult to make the story as deep as we’d like. Sometimes, actually this is very typical, we want scenes not directly related or linked to our main plot. Maybe it’s backstory, or maybe we need something to hilight a key motivation or driver. Many if not most literary novels, for example, will not develop strong, compelling plot lines at all. Instead, they delve deep into the main character using primarily unlinked scenes. It’s like painting a story: a stroke here, a stroke there, and voila, you have a fabulous character painting. They build up the strengths, weaknesses, and motivations. They build empathy to a fever pitch before they release the plot on us.  We find ourselves reading deep into character, setting, and maybe story, but we often are not compelled to pick up the book. We’re not presented with dramatic failure that makes us want to know what happens next.

And by the way, let’s ad the caveat here that this is not the only technique employed to pull readers along. We almost always write some sort of foreshadowing or cliff-hanging, we will gravitate towards themes that build and build, we will … there are many books that discuss the various techniques used in novel writing. I am not discounting their importance, but I just want to focus on the foundation of story, the scene-sequel sequence.

Both scenes and sequels are necessary. A sequel can’t exist without a failure to drive it, a scene is irrelevant if not resolved. Sequels resolve scenes. If I write fifty scenes and no sequels, I have lots of action, lots of tension, but no resolution, no meaning, no depth. But there is no requirement to link scenes and sequels linearly, many stories do not use this straightforward approach. David Wroblewski in The Story of Edgar Sawtelle uses many little scenes where the failures are difficult to detemine, but they each build up little smidgens of tension, character, or motivation. Bit by bit he paints the story and then when he starts moving with the main line, we do find the sequencing, more or less.

If we want to add depth to our story, themes, characters, or even settings, we need to dig deeper. We need to write some relevant scenes the sole purpose of which is to add this depth. These are largely unrelated to the action. We can helicopter them. We can pick them up and drop them into many places in our stories. They depend on very little and very little depends on them. I say very little because often we do need to introduce something first. My example at the end is an example that builds character and motivation, is not linked to the story directly, but needs to go in the second half of it. Perhaps our hero is LGT. Do I write a scene where some encounter is made before I introduce this? Perhaps I use this scene to introduce it. Maybe it has no story relevance, this scene, but being LGT does later on. So I write a scene where our hero is wondering about himself, goes out to a club to have a drink and think, and some transsexual sits down. You pick the failure. This scene does not in any way tie into our spy story, yet, and we don’t need a sequel because it’s not a thread that goes anywhere, yet. It simply shows us our hero’s LGT life, somewhat. Maybe later on he follows the target into a LGT club, and maybe there’s some argot he uses to communicate with the wildlife to find the target. Ah, indirect or delayed linkage.

So when you read your next novel, try to determine the scene or sequel’s characteristics. This can be tricky. Not all scenes are easily deconstructed. Some might contain multiple scenes, multiple conflicts, delays, abstractions. Sometimes success is failure and failure is success. Go figure that one out. Often the objective is not stated but implied. But know this: our objective is the opposite of our failure. I’m currently reading Madelaine Thien’s Dogs At The Perimeter. Early on there’s a scene about a woman who loses her mind. She starts out experiencing champagne on the brain at church, struggles to keep painting (tension), and finally loses the ability to speak and even move (failure). So what’s the objective? It’s to maintain one’s self, the opposite of being lost due to brain deterioration. What’s the purpose? Hiroji is missing, and she presumes he’s made himself anonymous, a typical Cambodian Khmer Rouge thing, a practice to hide yourself from your world to protect it, your family from being hunted down. So I take the purpose of this scene as to echo the tension involved in losing yourself. To do it intentionally must involve a great burden. Think now, this scene is not relevant to the action of the story but rather illustrates or echoes tension in another character’s decision. It adds depth and meaning. It adds breadth in the story. It makes it much more interesting.

The following is a short scene I just wrote and edited once – yes I still have issues with it, especially the internalization. It does not tie into my plot but serves to highlight my character’s motivations, situation, obsolescence, and situation. The objective is implied and the tension not particularly straightforward. I found the failure quite humorous. Understand that at the beginning of my story, my protagonist is illiterate, so yeah, obviously this can’t be placed at the beginning.

Enjoy.

Dan feels hungry on his drive home. He’s worked hard all day, even read a whole book, all 24 fucking pages. He knows he shouldn’t be so down on himself. Being down never works, he reminds himself, it only puts you … down. He thinks what’s in his fridge – beer, beer, and more beer, eggs, milk, butter, and a green pepper, he thinks. He’s already past the last grocery store, the last fast food joint, and the last Tim Hortons. Christ, he’s going to have to back-track, but he sees the corner store and pulls over. It’s been three blocks from his home since; Christ, it’s always been there. He’s never been in before, even when he still smoked. He scolds himself for being a stranger in his own neighborhood, that real neighbors become friends, greet each other with hellos, and look out for everybody else.

He can’t see it. He can’t envision himself walking door to door introducing himself to families, old ladies, or a house full of crack dealers. Christ, who the fuck lives beside him? He doesn’t even know. He knows there’s a guy about his age, but he wears suits. He sees him in the morning, and he’s seen him come home late at night. He’s a guy Dan nods to and the guy nods back; then both drop their eyes or turn their heads. A car salesman? An insurance adjuster? No, he looks too neat, too tight. His hair always looks perfect and his glasses fit. He’s probably an executive of some sort or one of those ambitious middle managers that think they know so much. Maybe he even works at Knopf Breweries. Now wouldn’t that be something, Dan living next to the change in financial leadership. But he’s been there for … a few years anyway. Or maybe he’s the changed financial leadership. Maybe he’s on the way out? There’s no for sale signs.

He scolds himself for letting his mind wander. Christ, his mind has always wandered. He remembers wandering in school, day dreaming, sitting at his desk lost to the world but alive and well in his own. Was that because of him or the way his teachers treated him? Or was it something else, something deeper, something shameful. Christ, it’s been a bad habit since he could remember. “Focus Danny,” rang in his ears.

He looks out the window at the houses across the street. They look like his but worse. But they could be better. They could all look so much better if people would do something about them, if people weren’t too fucking scared to get off of their couches and do something with them. Do you need to dream to do that? Do you have to have a dream about a nice looking home before it happens? We don’t dream those dreams while we sleep. We can’t control those dreams. Don’t we have to dream such dreams while we’re awake? Don’t successful people have to dream to move forward? Isn’t that how they formulate their targets? Their objectives? Maybe they can dream better, maybe they can focus their dreams. Is that how they do it? There’s that word again, focus. It didn’t feel right, that word. It felt close, but it didn’t feel right. Dreaming can’t be focused he said to himself, but maybe these people are able to interpret their own dreams. Maybe they are able to read what they really mean and make a decision, and then maybe they focus on that decision, like when he takes apart a machine. Once he knows what the problem is, once he stops fiddling and testing and trying things out, once he’s pressed a few buttons, turned a few gears, and pulled a few springs, once things are clear, he has no trouble focusing on the problem, on fixing that broken machine. Was he simply a broken machine?

Christ, he was still dreaming.

He turns off his engine, slips it into first, and lets up on the clutch. A young lad walks by. He’s dressed in a long green plaid flannel coat, really faded jeans, and big shiny white sneakers. Dan notices his straight, sandy brown, shoulder length hair. It’s like watching himself in a time travelling window. Christ, now he’s thinking like Lizard Man and his science fiction books. Jesus.

He steps out and walks to the store. There’s a couple of kids at the cash haggling with the fat woman. They seem the same age as the other kid, twelve or thirteen? He remembers the age well. He remembers haggling like that too, the diversion. He scans the two aisles and sees the sandy haired kid scouring them. He moves instinctively, lines up on the row with the kid, and he stands still, like he’s part of the potato chip stand beside him. He feels the foil packages crumple against his shoulder. Shit, he doesn’t need the noise. A car outside stops at the corner. He hears voices, distant, fading. He’s alone with the kid in this back aisle who’s picking through the bars. A Snickers bar is not worth a life of pain. He walks toward him. He doesn’t know what he wants to say. How do you talk to a kid like this? How do you straighten out a life in the middle of a crime with a few words? The same way you teach a grown man to read? Jesus, Dan, what are you doing? The kid senses Dan and turns his head to him. It’s not Dan’s face but it is. It’s eyes are deep, dark, it’s lips are thin, and it scowls at him expressionless. Dan nods at him. He simply nods then stops beside him. He looks at the bars for a moment, reaches for one, and takes it. The kid continues watching him. Dan backs up, turns, and walks behind the boy to a glass refrigerator. Inside he sees a single sandwich, the store’s most rejected meal of the day. He opens the door, picks it up, then walks to the cash. The other two kids are gone, and the fat lady has her head down. Jesus, he thinks, she must get robbed blind by these punks. She must … maybe he can help her, maybe he can do something about these little bastards. He can feel his heart beating.

“Hey Jake, your mum called.” She had her head up now and was looking back at the kid. “She wants you to bring home some milk.”

“Thanks Mary,” he yells back. He sounds like a choirboy, high and musical. Dan bets he could call in birds, maybe even ducks if he tried.

“I haven’t seen you before,” she says. She’s looking at Dan like she’s doubtful about his character.

“No.”

“Do you live around here?”

“Three blocks away.”

She gives him another once over.

“Well this is a community store,” she says and begins ringing in his items. “Please come back.”

The young lad walks out the door behind Dan carrying a bag of milk in each hand.

“Great kid,” she says, head down. Great family. “Say,” and she looks up at Dan, “if’n you come around enough, and we learn enough about each other, you can buy stuff on account too.”

Dan wanted to shake his head.

“I always pay cash,” he said.

“Where do you work?”

“Knopf.”

“Ahh, my brother works there. Ernie. Ernie MacDonald. Do you know him?”

Jesus, of course he did.

“Sure I do, ma’am.”

“Gloria,” she says.

“Gloria, nice to meet you. I’m Dan, Dan Donovan.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you too Dan Donovan. I’ll let Ernie know I met yas.”

Dan looks at the counter, at his chocolate bar. He reads the words slowly to himself, “Big Turk,” and wonders if it’s any good.

Valentine’s Day – 2013

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I guess I’m feeling old and cold this year.

The long lines of love
scars on horizon, the past
our ships sink into the sun
dragging those nets of useless valentines
we won’t be able to sell
will have to throw back
into the sea of love.

Robert Lee Brewer’s Poetic Asides Blog – Wednesday Poetry Prompt

Tomorrow is V-Day, so there’ll be plenty of chocolates, kissing, fighting, and lonely hearts out there as a result.

For today’s prompt, I’ve actually got two options:

  1. Write a valentine poem.
  2. Write an anti-love poem.

35 years ago … a story

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Note: this is supposition, pure fiction. Enjoy.

“How’s it going Marty?”

“Well, to tell you the truth Robbie, I think we’re missing something.”

Robbie cocks an eyebrow and sips his whiskey. Marty seems to have every drink known to man in his Hollywood bar, but there’s nothing like a good ol’ Canadian Club to keep you grounded. “What’s missing?” He figured it was a missing wire or one of the crew locked in a drunk tank.

“Everything’s great, really,” he sucked back on his joint. “It’s just,” he exhaled, “it’s just that I think we’re missing something.”

He began to pace. Robbie knew it was serious when Marty paced.

“Rock concerts need something extra.” He looked at Robbie straight up, no pacing. “Woodstock had all kinds of extra, the swearing, the nudity, and the, he held up his hand, drugs.”

He paced again, and Robbie sipped his Club, already thinking of ways to get extra.

“The Beatles, on the roof. Can you get any more eccentric that John Lennon wearing a mink coat on a London roof?”

“Marty, you know I don’t want any drinking, drugs, or craziness.”

“I know Robbie, you’ve told me. This will be a clean, polished film. Your legacy deserves that much.”

“So what do you have in mind?”

“Well,” he stopped pacing again, “you have some of the biggest names in the business lined up to play with you. This shows you’re well respected, as a backup band. Is this what the film’s about Robbie? Are you just a glorified backup band? Look Robbie, I think we need to do something. I think we need to show you guys can lead; that you’re not only as good as the best but better than the best.”

“Jesus, Marty. It’s just a concert.”

“It’s your last concert.”

“It’s our last concert.”

“Are you as good as Eric Clapton?”

“Marty, nobody’s …”

“What if we could show you are as good as Eric. What if we could compare you two side by side in a competition?”

“This is not a competition, Marty.”

“But can you …”

“I would need a lot of practice. What do you want, a showdown? Jesus Marty, that’s Eric Clapton; that’s God on the guitar.”

“I know. I know. I know. So, whaddya think?”

“I can’t compete …”

“No, you won’t have to compete. We’ll stage something, an accident. Eric will fall off the stage, and you’ll take over. They’ll see you are as good by saving his butt.”

They looked at each other and stared. Marty huffed a big one and Robbie gulped his whiskey.

“Marty, we can’t throw Eric off the stage, but we can set up something. When we play songs that need a guitar change, there’s a little trick we do. We flip the strap over so when we give it a little tug, it flips right off. It saves us precious seconds so we can slide a new guitar on mid song.”

“I get it. It will look like his guitar strap falls off, something that could happen to anybody. You’ll pick up his solo and nobody will know the difference.”

Marty finishes his dooby.

“Except Eric. What do we tell Eric? Will he agree?”

“Marty, Eric loves us. Did you know he asked if he could join the band? Seriously, he did. Besides, he owes us. I’ll tell him on stage just before we start playing…”

“We’ll be ready. We’ll catch it all. “

Postscript:

Notice how Robbie Robertson and Eric Clapton begin the video by talking. Then notice at the 10sec mark that Eric flips over his guitar strap with an intentional looking move. Blow it up and watch it. Later see how it’s flipped over. Is this really a mistake? Does Eric Clapton make such mistakes? Really? This is Eric Clapton.

At the 46sec mark Eric gives a little tug, tests the tension. He knows the break [pun] is coming up.

At the 50sec mark his solo ends when he pulls his strap off. Yes, his guitar doesn’t fall on its own, he pulls it off. Then notice the break in the music. The band stops playing for a moment. I know they are good, but are they that good? Were they all watching Eric while he played? The transition sounds way too clean to me.

Most important of all? Enjoy the tune. It’s the highlight of the movie, fake strap failure or not.

So what do you think?

This strap “malfunction” is the most talked about, most debated event of The Band’s Last Waltz concert released as a film 35 years ago in 1978. The discussion surrounds who’s a better soloist. Robbie is revered for his ability to ad-lib an Eric Clapton solo, pick it up without warning. Is there any better way to end a career stage? Nobody brings up the possibility that the whole thing was staged, and in my humble opinion, it clearly was staged. How many times have you seen a guitar strap fall off? How many times has it happened to Eric Clapton?

Recent Writings – 2012 NaNoWriMo

I am planning to attack my 2011 story with a major overhaul. A have gobs of feedback I haven’t looked at from a local writer in residence, but I’ve also thought out some of the issues I have with that story and some of the major changes I need to make. I’m coming off of three months of shelf time, and I’m not quite ready to take it on. It will take all of my attention which I can’t rightly give at the moment. Yes, once I’m happy with structure of the story, I can edit and fill in gaps in small chunks, but this is a huge and important task.

So to fill my need to edit, I recently pulled out my 2012 story. I needed something to read at my February 2nd writers group brunch, and I’d already read two scenes. I opened scene three last week and gave it a pass. I read it Saturday and received good comments and feedback. I felt good about the story. The bomb I dropped at the end told everyone where the story was heading. In my opinion it’s one of those class A cliffhangers that virtually guarantee the reader will want to finish the book.

But I struggled with my writing. I journaled yesterday that I write too linear. I write along plot lines instead of the subtler character painting lines. And from the get go I struggled with the voices in my story. I told myself from the start that I had two voices, and that’s how I wrote it. One was from a more omniscient character. He remained limited, but he was perched higher. I called him my dragon voice. This is not a fantasy but a more urban literary story. It’s grounded in real life. But the story revolves around a dragon tattoo. Yes, there’s another dragon tattoo story out there, but that was merely a prop that was mentioned once or twice. In my story it plays significant roles, and because of its significance, the idea that a dragon tells the story came to me. Let’s be real, though. Nobody but teenagers and young children want to hear high level dragon voices ad nauseum. Really, they get tired pretty fast. I realized this during my first paragraph:

A man born with strong muscles doesn’t worry where his feet might take him. An icy dawn is unusual but not rare this far north, where only hardy breeds remain and thrive, in that city of rain and snow, fog and ice, and once in a while warm sunshine, where the weak come thinking it’s an easy life, the land of fortune and dreams, but only the strong or stupid stay. Their likelihood of prospering in this land is easily measured by their initial reaction to stepping onto a drifting tarmac, as true an indicator of character as any psychological test. Those who cut through the shock, the tightening facial skin, the ice cream forehead pain coursing through their whole body, those focused on life’s priorities – business, family, personal achievement – are likely enough to succeed; though success is never guaranteed. Those who whine and fret, those who complain and cling to their family’s coattails or wrap their faces in their insufficient burkas, pagris,  or djellabas, or their cheap foreign-made hoods and toques purchased in one of the country’s international airports peddling third world wares, those who wish they were home, might as well return to their balmy lands. Their cries are like a cats’ moaning of insufficient lap time. Nobody that can truly help them will, not freely. If they won’t help themselves, stand up tall and walk where they need to walk and do what they need to do, it’s best to re-board that plane and head back to the jungle or desert.

Good God, could anybody seriously read or write a whole novel written like this? It’s large, telling, pretentious, and boring. It’s writing that makes you want to slit your throat, yet I felt it held a place, was necessary. It frames my other voice, my character voice. Before I show you that, though, My character narrator or my hero voice wasn’t very distinguishable from my dragon voice. They were both written in past tense third person limited. They were identifiable if you looked hard, but they didn’t separate easily.

And this raises interesting issues. Do I really want two voices? Can I have two voices? I’m not entirely sure. I can’t find any discussion on this. None of my self-help authors seem to have addressed it, and nothing shows up in Google: books, blogs, thesis, nothing. I did find first person thesis though. It was promising enough to validate an attempt.

But I need to take a step back t last night. I attended a reading by Madeleine Thien on her novel “Dogs At The Perimeter.” I noticed during her reading she used two voices. One was past tense and the other present tense. I read a few pages and was floored at how vivid, powerful, and appealing her present tense prose felt. I asked her about it, but she had no references for me. It’s the way she writes and her editors don’t particularly like it. I bought her book.

I’ve been editing a version of my story since this morning. I’ve taken my hero’s voice and turned it into a present tense experience. In 34 pages I think I have about six to eight sections of dragon past tense and the bulk is present tense.

Here’s the continuation of the first paragraph. It will not give you any sense of my story, only a feel for my writing. I’ll mark the voice changes

[hero]
He trods carefully down the creaky wooden step that led sideways from the tiny front entryway not big enough to be called a porch, no bigger than a storage closet for seasonal coats and footwear. He sees bare wood where paint had worn off before his occupation of the old three-story, white clapboard home with a flaking grey gabled roof. He feels the front windows watching him leave. They face the residential street like so many of the others that are slowly being replaced by modern, prosaic townhouse projects. He tests the cement slab walkway for black ice with the broad front pad of his boot, and feeling a slip, shortens his steps and holds out his lunchbox for balance. His walk is steady, his gait firm and sure, an endemic northern life, a walk he was born having to make. He doesn’t think about falling, smashing an elbow, or breaking a hip. He glides over the fresh ice, a task easier than riding a bike, for him, and more common, for most, around here. He doesn’t expect to fall and he doesn’t. Nobody does this morning in this frigid, northern, maritime city on this icy spring morning. And nobody dances a jig; nobody sings sanguine songs; and no creativity enlightens the dark morning, except for a melancholy black guitar unheard in the bowels of cinder block rental projects somewhere over the hill.

It is one of those working man steel lunch boxes shaped like an old barn, riveted on the ends, and held shut with two aging clamps. The handle is stainless steel and swiveled. [dragon] His father left it to him in his handwritten will, the only thing left to him or his mother, his only possession. The man who delivered it, a lawyer, called it a Sudbury Miners Special. He said the paper inside it made it true. He almost threw the paper out but a certain sense of wrongness surrounded that plan. Why would his father, a man who valued nothing, not material things nor any living creature as far as he was concerned, why would this man he arguably didn’t even know keep a paper of authenticity in his lunchbox; it was beyond his comprehension, except that it must be important. He’d have thrown the box out in the garbage too, but he needed one anyway for his new job, and he and Jill had no money back then. [hero] It now contains his baloney sandwich and an apple juice box. It is big enough to hold a ham roast. If anybody turned it over, they would see the worn name inscribed in large black-marker letters: DAN. Everybody knows it’s his; nobody really cares. They leave it alone like all union lunch boxes are left alone.

The ice on the windshield of his truck offers no resistance to his cotton duck coat sleeve. He jumps in and starts it, turns on the local classic rock radio station just in time for the seven thirty news and listens while the truck’s windows warm up and the morning frost creeps up the windshield into the darkness above him. When the news ends, he shifts into gear and slowly edges out of his driveway onto the street behind another truck. He follows the same roads, stops for the same coffee, and tips the same tip as he does every morning before work. He pulls through the high chain-link gate and into the union parking lot, shoves his black Ford Ranger in first gear, turns it off, and steps out onto a freshly fallen snow. The white blanket crunches beneath his work boots, a mixture of snow and sleet. He walks towards the door on the side of the tall, yellow cement building alongside the other green men attracted like moths to a light by the same promise of mindless work and a comfortable retirement, an army marching to its daily war. Nobody says hello. Nobody smiles.

Funny how reading pasted prose makes problems stand out. At least one sentence needs a re-write. Pfft.

I guess the issue is whether this shifting back and forth is a problem for the reader. So far I feel it really makes the voices stand out, the two narrative modes. Sorry I’m not posting more for a better feel. You can argue my shift into past tense wasn’t a shift up but rather simple backstory. Later sections are not backstory but narrative summary, again not necessarily a higher voice. Yet there are instances where I do step up and become the dragon outright.

I suppose transition is vital. You might have noticed I wrote It now contains his baloney sandwich. “It now contains” transitions back into present tense painlessly.

If you know of any stories that use multiple voices — past and present tense, please pass them on to me, TYVM.

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